Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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