you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
