Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
