I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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