I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
