Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
