So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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