I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
