Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
