its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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