WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
