What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
