so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
