What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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