Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
