Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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