I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
