and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
