you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
