Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
