So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
