Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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