tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
