it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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