i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
