Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
