oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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