my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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