guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
