It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
