You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
