I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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