I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
