We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
