thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
