And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
