I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
