Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
