From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
