well I can't set my house on fire every night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
