That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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