Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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