You can't motorboat a personality
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
