giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
