Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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