guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
