don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
