It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
