your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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