The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
