Swine flu. Run for my life!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
