speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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