y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
